Mother Faces Past Regrets as Son Discovers Trauma from Alcoholism

A mother confronts her past behavior during her struggle with alcoholism after her son reveals the lasting trauma he experienced. In a heartfelt correspondence to advice columnist Eric Thomas, she describes how her health issues and alcohol dependence affected their relationship.

The mother, who invited her 24-year-old son to live with her in her one-bedroom condo while he saved for his own place, opened up about her journey towards sobriety. After five months of maintaining her sobriety, she faced a relapse and sought emergency psychiatric help. This led to an honest conversation between them, where her son shared the emotional scars from her previous drinking episodes, which he documented through messages and videos.

During this emotional exchange, the mother expressed deep regret and acknowledged her past actions. She admitted to having no memory of her behavior while under the influence, stating, “I feel like I need to know,” regarding the painful evidence of her past. While her son agreed to consider showing her the recordings, he believes that it would be too traumatic for him at this moment.

Eric Thomas advised the mother against viewing the videos now, emphasizing the emotional turmoil they could trigger. He suggested that if and when they decide to review those recordings together, it should be in the presence of a sponsor or a family therapist to facilitate the processing of emotions.

Moreover, he highlighted the necessity for her son to seek support through organizations like Al-Anon or SMART Recovery, which cater to families affected by addiction. Thomas pointed out that her son’s unresolved trauma and resentment are interconnected with her recovery journey. He encouraged the mother to support her son in finding a meeting, while also continuing her path to recovery.

In a separate letter, another reader expressed frustration over her 31-year-old daughter’s failure to send thank-you notes after receiving gifts. Despite the mother’s efforts to model this behavior, her daughter did not acknowledge gifts from her wedding or graduations. The mother considered gifting a package of thank-you notes at an upcoming baby shower to encourage her daughter to adopt this practice, but Thomas cautioned against this approach, warning it could come off as passive-aggressive.

Instead, he suggested that the mother address the issue directly with her daughter before the event, framing it as a condition for her hosting the shower. This might allow the daughter to enjoy the celebration without feeling embarrassed.

In another letter, a reader proposed a solution for an older church volunteer who struggles with cognitive tasks. By assigning her to the role of ‘Greeter’ at events, the church could ensure she has a meaningful contribution, while also accommodating her abilities.

Thomas encourages readers to reach out with their questions, underscoring the importance of support and communication within families. Readers can submit their inquiries to R. Eric Thomas via email or follow him on social media for further advice and insights.