Psychotherapist Offers Key Strategies for Parents to Revive Intimacy

Intimacy can often take a backseat for parents juggling the demands of family life. According to psychotherapist Vanessa Marin, many parents struggle to maintain a satisfying sexual relationship amid the chaos of parenting. Her insights reveal that a simple, proactive approach can significantly enhance intimacy for busy couples.

Research indicates that approximately 37% of mothers report dissatisfaction with their sexual frequency. Key factors contributing to this include a lack of time and energy, emotional exhaustion, and relationship dynamics. Specifically, 74% of millennial mothers cite time as the most significant barrier to their sexual satisfaction. Marin emphasizes that acknowledging and addressing these challenges is crucial for couples seeking to reconnect.

Initiating Intimacy: A Practical Approach

Marin suggests that initiating sex can be a powerful way to enhance intimacy. She explains, “Initiating sex is about showing your partner that they’re important and that intimacy is a priority for you.” By taking the initiative, partners demonstrate their willingness to embrace vulnerability and share the burden of intimacy. Marin points out that both partners should feel wanted, and this desire is often mutual.

For parents exhausted from their daily routines, Marin offers a refreshing perspective on the initiation process. She notes that one need not feel fully “in the mood” to initiate intimacy. “Instead of pressuring myself to feel wildly turned on, I like to ask myself, ‘Am I open to intimacy? Or to getting turned on?’” She states that this mindset allows for a more relaxed approach to intimacy, acknowledging that the “perfect moment” for intimacy rarely exists in the lives of busy parents.

Creating Opportunities for Connection

Marin encourages couples to find small moments throughout their hectic days to connect. This might include a quick kiss, a playful touch, or simply asking, “Hey, want to sneak away for a bit?” These small gestures can help break the cycle of waiting for elaborate or ideal circumstances, making intimacy feel less daunting.

In relationships where one partner consistently initiates, Marin warns that this imbalance can lead to feelings of burden or disconnection. She advocates for open communication about initiation, suggesting that partners express their needs directly. Phrases like, “It would mean so much to me if you initiated sometimes, too,” can pave the way for a more balanced dynamic in the relationship.

Additionally, Marin emphasizes the importance of scheduling time for intimacy. She suggests that if couples are not intentional about carving out time for one another, intimacy is unlikely to occur.

Fostering Non-Sexual Affection

Beyond sexual intimacy, Marin highlights the value of non-sexual touch to strengthen emotional bonds. Simple acts like cuddling, hand-holding, or sending flirty texts throughout the day can help maintain connection, even when energy levels are low. “Even just looking up when your partner enters the room matters,” she notes, explaining that such gestures can trigger the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the love hormone.

Marin warns against the “bristle response,” where one may tense up or recoil at their partner’s touch, leading to a cycle of disconnection. She recommends that partners communicate openly about their desires, allowing for a more comfortable environment for physical touch.

With open dialogue, a shared commitment to initiating intimacy, and an emphasis on affectionate gestures, parents can find that the end of a long day does not need to signal the end of connection. Instead, it can be a moment of relief and reconnection, transforming what may feel like an obligation into a source of joy.

In summary, Marin’s insights offer practical strategies for parents seeking to revive intimacy in their relationships. By recognizing the challenges of parenting and prioritizing connection, couples can foster a fulfilling sexual relationship that thrives amid the demands of family life.