Navigating Holiday Cards and Family Finances During Change

The holiday season often brings joy, but it can also highlight significant personal changes. In a recent column, advice columnist Eric Thomas tackled dilemmas surrounding holiday greetings and family finances, providing thoughtful guidance to readers navigating these challenges.

One reader, facing an impending divorce after 25 years of marriage, expressed concern about sending Christmas cards that include her soon-to-be ex-husband. With their divorce finalizing shortly after the holidays, she considered using the cards to announce her return to her maiden name. She sought a tasteful way to convey this new family dynamic to friends and family, while including their four children and a pet cat.

In response, Thomas suggested several options for the card’s wording. He proposed messages that balance sincerity and humor, such as: “There’s a new name, and a new family arrangement, but the warm wishes are the same.” Alternatively, he offered a seasonal approach: “This holiday, we’re moving into a new season of life, so you’ll see a different name on the return address but know that my love for you lasts year-round.” For a lighter touch, he humorously remarked, “Is it regifting when Santa brings you your maiden name for Christmas?”

Thomas emphasized that holiday cards often reflect the year’s experiences, encompassing love and loss. He encouraged the reader to express her truth, as it is her card and life to share.

Another reader sought advice on how to balance financial support among his three adult children. With one child planning to attend law school, he contemplated making monetary gifts to his other children alongside tuition payments to maintain fairness. He expressed concerns about transparency, particularly regarding whether to inform the law student about these gifts.

Thomas affirmed that if the father has the means to provide support, offering gifts to the other children is reasonable. He also advised against withholding this information from the law student, underscoring the importance of open communication regarding finances within families. To further enhance fairness, he suggested that instead of direct gifts, the family could donate to charities in the names of the other children, fostering a sense of generosity while avoiding feelings of inequity.

Lastly, another reader faced a personal challenge after retiring from a previous high-earning career. She had been giving Christmas gifts to her son’s friends for years but felt it was time to stop due to financial constraints, especially since she did not receive gifts in return nor witnessed her friends enjoying them.

Thomas recommended a straightforward approach, suggesting she communicate her new circumstances with a simple card or note. He proposed a message like, “We’re switching to cards for Christmas. Still love you lots!” This allows her to maintain connections while adapting her traditions to her current situation.

These inquiries illustrate the complex interplay between personal relationships and financial dynamics, especially during the festive season. Through thoughtful communication and adjustments, individuals can navigate these changes while maintaining their connections and integrity.

Readers are encouraged to share their experiences or ideas for holiday greetings that address similar situations. Thomas plans to compile and publish these in future columns, fostering a community of support and understanding during what can be a challenging time of year.